Wednesday, 4 February 2015

GET HYPED - Jurassic World

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Welcome to "GET HYPED" - a series of posts by myself designed to do one thing - inform you about upcoming releases in the world of music, movies, or general nerdy shit. Today's post is about the movie Steven Spielberg-directed "Jurassic World" which will open in cinema's on June 12th. Anyone wishing to view the trailer can do so below. This movie is as yet unrated but will be expected to receive a 12A certi-Y'know what? Fuck it, let's just get to the fun stuff!

Let's take a screenshot of this magnificent bastard!

See this thing in his mouth? That's a goddamn Great White Shark - this big bitch turns Jaws into an appetiser! And it just gets better from there, going almost instantly to a brief flicker of Brontosaurus's and Stegosaurus's by a lake, just chilling while the tourists canoe alongside them!

Before we're joined very quickly by the lead Actor, Chris "Can literally do no wrong at the moment" Pratt (Zero Dark Thirty, Lego Movie, Guardians of the Galaxy Motherfucking Starlord)

I can only assume he's gesticulating to calm the ovaries of everyone watching this. Myself included.

The dialogue doesn't exactly seem like it's written by Tarantino, with such Screenplay-award winning lines of "Think this will scare the kids" "This will give the parents nightmares" and "You just went and made a new dinosaur? Probably not a good idea" - although this looks suspiciously like the now-rife Hollywood cut and pastes between two different scenes so that it fits a trailer better. They then drop us straight into a hint of the "new dinosaur" teased previously in the trailer with an "attack" on Pratt and "Unnamed, unimportant, sure to be alive by the end of the scene; honest!" maintenance worker.

I'm sure he's going to be fine, I'm sure he's going to be f-


Before leaving a panting, sweating, sexy terrified Pratt under a car, shown here.

We're treat to a bit more of the main Dinosaur, which I wont spoil for you by posting them all here, so instead we'll go to my personal highlights of the rest of the trailer. A nightmare-inducing Pterodactyl/Pterodon attack when the park inevitably fucks up.

 Because you didn't need that sleep anyway.

And when Pratt decides to save the day, he enlists the aid of what appears to be Velociraptor's, making sure this movie gets all of my money in the process.

More like Velocibroptors, am I right? Heh, heh, god I'm lonely.

So there's my highlights of Jurassic World, it's arriving in June and I can't wait, hope you're all likewise after reading this. This was my first time on the blog, so be gentle with me. And because of that, I don't know what I would like my sign-off to be, so enjoy this final shot of the trailer. 

Black Lipstick's resident dickhead.

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