Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Why I'm voting UKIP

Welcome to Nerdpit gets political! The one month every 5 years where we as a society vote for which cookie cutter privately educated toff gets to rule over their worthless peons for the next 5 years! And there’s not a single party that is having such a hot streak like the UK Independence Party, and their slimy charismatic leader, Nigel Farage.

So what if his party have become synonymous with “racial tension” “bigotry” and “fascism”? The man speaks what’s on everyone’s mind… If everyone thinks that in the 21st century that we should focus on humanity’s difference rather than similarities. And if you’re one of those hippies who cares about those worse off, then quite frankly I don’t know what this country is coming to! Bloody political correctness gone mad…

UKIP make attacks on a 'Political class' - aimed at the middle and upper classes and definitely justified (not at all a bit of mindless propaganda), used to demonise them and group them together to make UKIP look more appealing to the ill-informed voter who hears the word “immigration” and feel their stomach flip and house prices fall.

U Mad Bro's? Source
“If you believe in Britain, UKIP is the party for you”

I believe in Britain, and following Farage's logic every immigrant is of course a child-raping serial killer with no benefit to the British economy. Especially those Eastern Europeans, who make our Grand Dragon Farage uncomfortable, as was quoted in this interview. And who could blame him, I’d be uncomfortable with the idea that the very policy I was known for was found to utter bullshit – as this “uncontrolled” EU immigration earned the British Economy £5 Billion last year, but who needs that! Certainly not a UKIP government needing to reduce a budget deficit!

And if you don’t believe in mindlessly and blindly supporting the country you were randomly born into, the other parties are for you anyway. But why would you want to do that? Nigel and funders don’t want anyone baffling their audience with such hippy liberal drivel such as "Common decency” and “Not a xenophobic asshole” How can we think Red Ed can become the country’s most popular politician, he’s not even the country’s most popular Miliband! Vote for Miliband! Vote for change! Vote for a mid 40’s Middle Class white man to take the place of a different mid 40’s Middle Class white man.

A vote for Ed is a vote for "CRACKING CHEESE, GROMIT!" - Source
Exalted Cyclops Farage was even late to a dinner speech because of Immigrants! This is not a joke, being held up on the M4 because of “Uncontrolled immigration” is no laughing matter, his audience had just raided the bedroom department at Debenhams for all the best white bedsheets in stock! Eventually he was so late his stage had to be illuminated with burning “plus” signs for his talk, to show how “positive” his talks were being received, in fact there was a photo of the talk…

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I admire a man who sticks to his convictions, so when he says that HIV-Positive Europeans are crippling an NHS (NOT KIDDING) which Grand Wizard Farage plans on selling off anyway, I want to vote for him, because making outlandish claims on National TV is a bold move that’s bound to win over easily impressionable voters!

The UKIP Manifesto will abolish the Department of Culture Media and Sport –despite the fact that the London 2012 Legacy is already waning, with sports funding down in several areas including swimming, cricket, and tennis – I believe the conservative party just aren’t doing it fast enough and want to see Britain completely removed as a global competitor in sport!

One of the most admirable things about Grand Goblin Farage is that he is literally more hated than Marmite, yet still keeps on smiling, barring this incident

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And why wouldn’t you want to be smiling, when you plan on abolishing the inheritance tax to protect your rich chums who got you into power, I’d be smiling too! While shrugging off that his party is perceived as the most racist and corrupt mainstream party in Westminster! Though I’m sure his bank account set up in the tax-free Channnel islands was a totally innocent mistake, (I bet the accountant was a lefty, trying to frame our glorious leader Nige) and the less said about his missing £60,000 he got from the European Union the better….

Ladies and Gentleman, I don’t like anyone different, and that scares me – so because of that, I’m going to vote for a greasy bigot from the City who promises to kick out the foreigners, because voting for an Extreme Right political party in times of social and economic turbulence worked SO well in the 1930’s...

*This post was written as satire, and if you’ve come this far and can’t see it, maybes voting in a general election isn’t for you….*
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